yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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