she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
