can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
