I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
