I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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