accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
