Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
