...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Randomize
