In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this boner is exhausting
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
