Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize