Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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