you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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