yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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