Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
