Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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