I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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