wrigley field is MILF paradise
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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