end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
