I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
