he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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