Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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