I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
