You really coming over, don't trick.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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