i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
