They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
