Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
