I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
