apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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