a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
