I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would ride that face into the sunset
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
