did you get engaged???
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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