Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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