I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
