At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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