Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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