If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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