I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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