I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
