U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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