I think I won the penis lottery.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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