She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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