if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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