He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
