I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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