whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
