I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
