omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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