And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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