Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
