If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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