Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
