I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
