Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
