she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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