It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
