When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize