Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
