I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sobbing to NWA
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
