So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
