He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
