elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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