It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
