y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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