how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
