This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
