I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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