I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
