i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
