it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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