dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my liver is dry heaving
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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