Im at strip club and am horny
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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