Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
