I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
