She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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