i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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