The maid of honor just puked.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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