remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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