atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
