so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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