6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
